Posted by: allaboutcheryl | September 19, 2014

Cracks in my Spirit

When you see me from afar, I may seem whole.
I am coming, going and doing.
I am retired, free to do my thing and unfettered.
From a distance when you see me, you may see a person, busy, working, on the go.
I am involved in my church; serving, leading and teaching.
In my home I am there for my husband; his helpmeet, friend and lover.
And again in my home, I am my mother-in-law’s caregiver; I am cook, therapist, dietician.
I wear many hats and I do many times.
I don’t do all things well.
I have cracks in my spirt.
I try to do the right things at the right times, but I don’t.
I thought that my integrity was a vital, unmoving, non-compromising part of my being, but it isn’t.
I thought that I knew my limits and could stay within them, but I don’t.
When you see me from afar, you can’t see the things that I struggle with. The thoughts I have of self doubt and insecurities are things that I thought at my age now, should be a thing in my past.
When you see me from afar, I say the things that I want to happen to me. Nothing is wrong, bad or broken. When you are afar from me, I will never talk about the cracks in my spirit.
When you see me from afar, you can’t see my struggles of trying to be for everyone what I think they need, sometimes to the neglect of myself. But that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?
But my spirit has cracks in them. Cracks are openings that can occur to a structure or material when it is under stress. When too much load has been placed on it. Or when too many things are trying to stretch that material at the same time.
When cracks appear in my spirit, I get tired in my mind and body. I don’t always follow through like I should. Even though I know to do better, I know what God’s Word says, I may not always do it.
Sometimes the cracks in my life can become like crevices. Some things that hit my spirit, should bounce off, after all I am a child of God. But these crevices left unresolved in my spirit are big enough to let in doubt, unbelief, greed and pride.
Some of the cracks in my spirit remind me of the craters on the moon. These big round, never ending pits that can swallow an car, house or building. When these craters appear in my spirit, they frighten even me.
But wait!
All is not lost! The story does not end here!
Call in the cavalry!
Better yet, let’s go to Calvary!
The place where Jesus bled and died for my sins, as well as yours.
Where in His dying breath, He said, “it is finished.”
His purpose in coming to earth was completed. He died as the Perfect Sacrifice, to reconcile or redeem us back to the Father. He died so in my sins, with my cracked spirit, that I would not be lost, alone nor without hope.
Because I admitted to Him that I am a sinner in need of being forgiven, saved from my sins. Because I know that I cannot free myself from the tyranny of sin. I know Jesus came to die for my sins. He was my Propitiation; He died on the Cross in my place. It should have been me.
Now I can run to Him when the cracks in my spirt start appearing.
Father, forgive me for I have sinned!
When we confess our sins, He who is just, will forgive and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
From afar, you may not see all my cracks, crevices and craters, but thanks be to God, I have a Savior Who’s shed blood fills and eliminates them all.
I can hear Him say, “Forgiven.”

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Responses

  1. Wonderful, thanks for sharing, straight from the heart.


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